Think back to the first days of when you began to get sick….
Did you think it would last so long? Or be so tough to overcome?
In your wildest imagination, could you fathom how hard you being sick would be on your close relationships with family and friends?
No matter what age you are… no matter whether you have lots of friends and family or only a few, maintaining normal relationships is difficult to impossible if you’re really, really sick.
For the people who really matter… talk with them. Be honest about your feelings. Tell them how it is for you and that you still need and want them in your life.
- First, be honest with yourself. If you don’t feel like doing all the things you used to do, then try to come up with a reasonable list of activities you can maintain, while realizing that the boundaries of even this list must be very flexible.
- Second, sit down and talk with each person that you really care about. If you think your relationship may be altered by your current restriction of activities, tell them. If they have some understanding of why you’re doing what you’re doing, they will be more likely to accommodate you and still maintain the love and friendship you have enjoyed.
- Third, figure out who are your “acquaintance relationships.” You may or may not be able to or want to maintain those. Be okay with that reality. Let this small loss go. Do not mourn it for very long. If you and your acquaintances had been fast friends, that would be different. But this group of people come and go in everyone’s life.
For the people in your life who you thought were friends, but who more-or-less turn their back on you when you get a chronic illness, well… they must not have been the true friends you thought they were.
“Sometimes the illness of someone close to you can be very scary.”
Because of your heartfelt transparency, you will be more likely to engage their hearts, too, and get their cooperation. They will be able to “see” the you you are right now and love you for sharing with them.
Together, you’ll figure out how to enjoy a changing, but rewarding relationship.
Thank you,
Cinda Crawford, your host of the Health Matters Show
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Christina @ Cutest Kid Ever 12.17.08 at 7:34 pm
Thanks for thinking of me when you wrote this. I’ve recently passed my one year anniversary of figuring out what the heck was going on with me. (9 hours of Black Friday shopping floored me for a week. Researched CFS and found my answer.)
I keep trying to seek validation from my mom, but I’m pretty sure I’m never going to get it. She just doesn’t want anything to be wrong with me, so she ignores it. Despite that, we still have a good relationship. But it hurts that she doesn’t believe me, no matter how I explain it to her.
Cinda Crawford 12.18.08 at 11:51 pm
Hi Christina, I’m so glad you read the post and replied. With all the things we folks (sick folks) have to go through in living with and surviving such an illness, it really is not fair to “be doubted.” It just isn’t fair. Whether it’s a doctor, boss, parent, sibling or spouse, it hurts. And it really makes dealing with the situation that much more difficult. I have one suggestion that you might want to consider… and it may seem crazy at first… but you could try it out and see what happens. If… you could act (or believe, that would be even better) as if it “didn’t matter” that your mother doubted you & didn’t believe in you, might it change how YOU and she feel about it? I know it would make her attitude less important to you and it might be the leg up you’ve been looking for. Now, I don’t mean be nasty. I’m sure your mother isn’t doing this to hurt you. But you could just simply give her words less credit; don’t let them make you feel inferior or invalidated. After all, her attitude is not helping you. You can choose not to accept it if that is in your best interest. I discovered a long time ago, I don’t have to give other people’s thoughts and actions power over how I feel. **No one can “make you feel” anything that you don’t want to feel. It’s your choice what you believe and what you allow to a part of your life. (Plus, strangely enough, if your mother sees that you’re handling it better, there’s a chance she might come around a little.) Many smiles & hugs. Cinda